it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
