I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
