I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
