Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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