I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
