i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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