How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize