at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
