I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
