Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we should paint friendship bongs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize