Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
