You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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