I wannas sexs uuuuu
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
