I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
