Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
