I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
