what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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