Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize