fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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