U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
