Kareoke will never be a sober sport
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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