What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
