i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My vagina just clenched in fear
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
