she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
