I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
