i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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