I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
