Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
