We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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