Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
