Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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