I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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