Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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