this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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