plz talk dirty to me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
