3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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