Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
