apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
