I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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