It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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