i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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