It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
