he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
