Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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