I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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