nut hugger
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
