He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is wine microwaveable?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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