I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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