Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need a beard to bite.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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