I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got inside last night via doggy door
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
