You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
