Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
