mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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