you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize