Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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