On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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