I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
