I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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