Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
