I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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