if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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