I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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