Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
