I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
its liver damage thursday
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
