Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
