she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
