Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
