Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
