so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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