He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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